


Behind the page (What am I?)

by Dayun



Series: Everybody loves Wonpil [3]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dowoon and Jae only appear for a bit sry, Friends With Benefits, I wrote this on an anger induced rush, Light Angst, Lots of Wonpil feels, M/M, Not Beta Read, What Can I do?/I Loved You/When You Love Someone AU, read til the end for the 'endgame'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22995691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayun/pseuds/Dayun
Summary: Since he has been small, Wonpil has kept count of the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It's how he found out that he's desperately in love with his best friend, Park Sungjin. It's how he knows that he's not in love with Kang Younghyun.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Kim Wonpil, Kim Wonpil/Park Sungjin
Series: Everybody loves Wonpil [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1524590
Comments: 27
Kudos: 88





	Behind the page (What am I?)

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY LISTEN I KNOW I HAVE SO MANY FICS GOING ON THAT I HAVEN'T UPDATED AND I AM STILL STUCK SO DEEP IN WIRTERS BLOCK I'M SORRY, but I wrote this fic on an anger induced rush in one sitting, because I really loved the cover Wonpil uploaded BUT people had to suddenly interpret that it meant that Wonpil was in love with the girl in the MVs as well??? Like??? That doesn't make any sense???????  
> Please let us have these small crumbs of LGBT representation and take the rest of the whole het stories out there and not destroy this for us. So out of spite I made everyone gay.
> 
> Kudos to everyone who catches the references to their covers!!
> 
> Also I've had this draft in my folders for so long, you all won't believe how many fics I have for this MV trilogy.
> 
> ALSO I didn't proof read this so there are A LOT of typos, but I'm too tired to fix them right now, I'll do it tomorrow, sry orz
> 
> (also I drew illustrations to this fic on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/KDayunArt) if you wanna see)

_One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three._

Counting, it’s a habit of his. Since Wonpil was young he has counted the rhythm of his heartbeat. It all started with his mother telling him about it as a method to calm himself, and while he still uses that, he now also just does it as a habit.

A hand waves suddenly in front of his face and rips him out of his musings. He glances over to see Sungjin smile curiously at him, his eyebrows lifted and corners of his lips tilted up. Wonpil’s throat dries up.

“Did you listen to what I just said?” Sungjin asks him, clearly knowing the answer already but not upset about it. “Were you counting again?”

A small flush rising to his cheeks, Wonpil ducks his head before smiling sheepishly at the other. In turn Sungjin just chuckles knowingly. In moments like this Wonpil becomes more aware how Sungjin and him have been best friends since childhood and how well the other knows him. He wonders if he can hide anything from him.

“It’s okay, I probably bothered you too much with my math questions.”

Wonpil wants to protest but stops midway, his lips slightly parted and ready to form words but halting when the light of the sun glimmers and reflects in Sungjin’s hair at just the right angle.

One side of the older’s face is cast in an almost glowing light coming through the classroom’s window, highlighting the high bridge of his nose and the long lashes on Sungjin’s pretty pretty eyes and-

Sungjin turns to him, catches him staring, and smiles at him. That lazy smile that Wonpil knows so well - the one where only one corner of his lips curls up and he lifts his eyebrows, his pretty pretty eyes twinkling, and-

_One, two, three. Pause. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two-_

And there it is. The skip in his heart, the small pause before his heartbeat picks up and he counts more beats in the rhythm than he did before. The effect that only Park Sungjin can have on him.

Trying not to show anything, Wonpil just sticks his tongue out at his best friend before steadfastly going through his math notes, tries not to notice the amused grin still on Sungjin’s face as he shakes his head at Wonpil’s childishness.

He keeps counting his heartbeat, waits for it to calm down a bit before he can speak to the other again, waits for the small flush on his cheeks to go down.

When he finally looks up again to friendly jab at Sungjin, it’s to see him looking somewhere else already. There’s a spark to Sungjin’s eyes, a different one than to before but one that Wonpil still knows well, too well. He follows the other’s line of sight until his eyes land on a certain girl sitting by the windows joking around with Park Jaehyung.

Her long and dark hair looks a bit glossier than normal and Wonpil notes that she must have straightened it this morning. He glances over to Sungjin, sees his attention totally stolen by her, and notes that he must have also noticed the shine to her pretty hair.

Wonpil looks at his best friend before glancing back at her and then back again at Sungjin and sighs. There’s a skip to his heart again, one that hurts more than it did before, one that doesn’t change the rhythm of his heartbeat but one that still manages to throw him off-balance.

He once again counts his heartbeat, closes his eyes and concentrates on the rhythm of it, shutting out the chatter of their classmates around him.

He’s interrupted though when there’s a sudden hush to said chatter that doesn’t come from him shutting them out. Wonpil opens his eyes to see her looking at the door, to Sungjin frowning before he also turns to the classroom’s door.

And once again Wonpil follows Sungjin’s line of sight to see Kang Younghyun glaring at the girls surrounding his seat in the far back next to Dowoon’s. His hair isn’t purple anymore and looks a bit shorter than before, Wonpil notes. Younghyun stalks forward and the girls immediately scatter, avoiding him at all cost and averting their gaze like everyone else. All except one.

She keeps looking at Younghyun from her seat by the window, pretty and long hair tucked behind one ear as she bites her lower lip and watches him. Sungjin watches her do so, the glimmer in his eyes dimming, and Wonpil watches him do so, keeping count of the beats of his small heart.

In the far back by the window Younghyun ignores everyone around him, still glaring slightly but looking out onto the school yard as if he’s somewhere far away.

* * *

The bed squeaks lightly with every little movement and Wonpil’s whine is almost swallowed by it at a particularly strong thrust. Above him Younghyun stops, sweeping his hair back from his sweaty forehead before he bends down to kiss Wonpil’s cheek. “This okay? Was I too rough?” Younghyun asks him, slowing down the tempo of his hips to small and smooth glides.

Wonpil blinks his eyes open to look up at the other. There’s a bead of sweat slowly traveling down Younghyun’s neck as he holds himself back, no frown or glare on his face as he gently brushes hair away from Wonpil’s face.

This Younghyun is such a stark contrast from the Younghyun he saw this morning in class and Wonpil wonders how anyone could ever be afraid of him.

He hooks his ankles on the low of Younghyun’s back, pushing down and urging him to move faster again. “No, it’s good, keep going.” He pants lightly, leaning into the hand cupping his cheek.

Younghyun kisses his flushed shoulder before he resumes his former tempo, Wonpil holding onto him tightly and hands scrabbling at the broad back, eyes tightly closed as a certain pair of pretty pretty eyes comes to his mind.

“Stay.”

Hands faltering, Wonpil stops in buttoning up his uniform to look over his shoulder to where Younghyun is still lying in bed, still naked as the day he was born and only his blanket covering his lower half. He had just been putting his shirt back on, ready to go home like he usually does after he and Younghyun had sex. It had always been this way since the beginning between them. One of them would text the other and they would meet up at Younghyun’s small apartment. They would have sex and then after showering Wonpil would leave.

This is the very first time that Younghyun has asked him to stay longer and it takes him by surprise, especially since it had been the other who had told him back then when they started all this that he doesn’t do pillow talk.

Wonpil smooths the creases in his shirt, buttons all done up as he turns fully towards Younghyun to look at him quizzically. “Why? Do you need to talk about something?” He asks, now a bit concerned, but Younghyun only shakes his head with a yawn as he sits up.

“Nah, it’s just late already and I thought you might help me with the math homework.”

Wonpil considers this for a moment as he glances out the window. It’s already dark outside and if he doesn’t hurry now he’ll miss his last bus. But then again tomorrow is Saturday anyway and his parents are staying over at his aunt’s place in Busan for the week, and he doesn’t really like to be at home alone.

He takes a glance at Younghyun sitting lazily in his bed, one arm thrown invitingly over the headboard and naked chest still glistening a bit with sweat.

_One, two, three. One, two, three._

“Fine,” Wonpil concedes as he takes off his pants again but leaves his shirt on, getting his math notes out of his bag, “Of course you only want me here to help you with homework.”

He joins Younghyun on the bed and spreads his notes out on the sheets, ignoring the triumphant grin Younghyun shoots him.

* * *

Wonpil remembers his very first school day. It was a Wednesday and the collar of his yellow jumper had been a bit too tight for his liking, suffocating him in the crowd of people he didn’t know. The sun shone brightly above them and his hands were sweaty as he held tightly onto his mother’s hand. He had been nervous, so very nervous and scared, that his mother had pulled him aside before they could enter into his new classroom. Crouching down to be on his eyelevel, she had wiped the tears at the corners of his eyes away gently with a kind smile.

It was then that she had lain her warm hand on his small chest, right above where his equally small heart was beating quickly.

“It’s okay, honey,” she had told him, “Don’t be nervous. Feel this? This is your heartbeat.” She had said in that gentle voice that Wonpil loved so very much. “It’s beating really fast right now, but if you count it slowly in your head, then it will start to calm down.”

She had then guided his small hand onto where his heart lay and they had counted together until he felt less nervous. He had smiled brightly at his mother when it worked and smiled brightly again at her when she came to pick him up in the after noon. He had smiled brightly as he told her about the boy he sat next to, the boy with the big nose and pretty pretty eyes.

Maybe counting was his good luck charm.

* * *

Wonpil only roughly remembers how this thing between him and Younghyun started. He knows that there were a lot of times that he had averted his gaze from watching Sungjin watch her, only for his eyes to pass by Younghyun to catch him looking, a knowing glint in his sharp eyes. There had been a nagging feeling in Wonpil that Younghyun knew how he felt about his best friend, but he didn’t really think much about it. After all, he and Younghyun had nothing to do with each other except that they were in the same class.

But one day it became a bit too much for Wonpil to handle – Sungjin’s smile just a bit too bright and his feelings just a bit too obvious – and he had run up the stairs to the rooftop, eyes teary as he angrily wiped at them, just wanting to escape his own feelings.

But he hadn’t been alone on the rooftop. Younghyun stood there, earrings glinting in the sun and the button-up of his uniform flowing in the wind. The sharp eyes Wonpil has seen look at him were still as knowing as he remembers them.

Maybe it had been building up from the moment Wonpil first noticed that Younghyun knew. But the next second his back was already pressed against the wall, hidden from view in the shadows as he clung onto Younghyun’s shirt, mouths fervently pressing against each other as Younghyun whispered reassuring words to him. Wonpil kept crying through the kisses, imagining that it was someone else kissing him, and Younghyun didn’t mind.

Now their relationship has changed a bit, has become less of a desperate outlet on Wonpil’s side and more of a casual thing between what he might even call friends.

The shirt he’s wearing slips a bit off his shoulder and Wonpil internally notes to tell Younghyun to get shirts that aren’t oversized for once. He's lamenting a bit if he should right it, but he’s washing dishes and the gloves are wet, so he just lets it hang off his shoulder.

After he stayed over the first time it has become a more frequent occurrence for him to stay over at Younghyun’s place or just stay generally a bit longer after sex and not immediately leave. Younghyun likes to cook and Wonpil has learnt that he particularly likes his kimchi fried rice.

“You look good like this.”

Wonpil doesn’t turn to look at Younghyun, too immersed in getting that one cheese stain off and only humming questioningly in return. He’s thinking about how he likes aloe scented soap more than the lemon scented one Younghyun always buys when warm arms suddenly snake around his waist.

A familiar chest presses against his back as Younghyun kisses his exposed shoulder before righting the shirt for him like he could read Wonpil’s mind.

_One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three._

“I mean you look good in my clothes, in my apartment.” He whispers the words into his ear, chin resting on Wonpil’s shoulder as he watches him wash the dishes.

It’s a bit strange, this domestic behaviour, he’s not used to it coming from Younghyun, the taller’s words about not doing pillow talk always reverberating in his mind. It just doesn’t align with this casual thing they’re supposed to have.

But Younghyun has been gradually opening up to him more and more and Wonpil welcomes it, takes joy in how much the other seems to trust him now.

Younghyun kisses a spot on his neck that Wonpil has a suspicion of having a hickey there. “How about another round? We could watch a movie after.” Younghyun trails his lips down his neck, pressing closer, and Wonpil puts the last plate away before he quickly pulls off the gloves.

He’s about to answer, teasing smile on his lips, when a small ring from his phone interrupts him. It’s a familiar ring, the one Wonpil has chosen specifically for when Sungjin messages him, and he immediately moves out of Younghyun’s arms to get his phone.

Unable to supress the small smile that comes to his lips when he reads the text Sungjin sent him, Wonpil turns to shoot Younghyun an apologetic smile. “Sorry, not today Younghyun. Sungjin and I are meeting up later.”

Younghyun folds his arms where he leans back against the kitchen counter, the gloves Wonpil had worn just a minute ago dripping water into the sink. He watches him silently for a moment, sharp eyes set in a small frown and mouth a tight line. But then he lets out a small sigh and only nods his head.

When he’s already seated in the bus later, Wonpil wonders what all that had been about. He only then notices that he’s still wearing Younghyun’s shirt.

* * *

Unrequited love, Wonpil learns, hurts even more than all those songs on the radio made it out to be. He learns that in the harsh way; learns it in how Sungjin’s eyes will shift the moment she enters the classroom, learns it in how much he yearns for Sungjin’s attention every second that he doesn’t have it – learns it in how his heartbeat still won’t calm down even with how much it hurts.

It breaks his small heart even more knowing that Sungjin, his best friend and first love, must feel the same pain whenever he looks at her and she’s looking at Younghyun. Sometimes he doesn’t know who he hurts more for – for Sungjin or for himself?

He wants to be there for Sungjin, no matter how much Wonpil might suffer, he wants to help him through this, wants to cheer him up, take his mind off the matter for a while.

And he thinks it works as they sit in that music shop, both of them immersed in the music they create between them. He thinks it works as Sungjin grins at him, pretty eyes twinkling under the starry lit sky as they walk home. He thinks it works as Sungjin stops him with a warm hand on his shoulder, the glow of the street lamp casting him in a low light and Wonpil has to swallow, feels the skip in his heart.

_One, two, three. Pause. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four-_

“Thank you, Wonpil-ah. I know what you’ve been trying to do these days.” Sungjin’s smile is a bit crooked and a bit sad, but his pretty pretty eyes glimmer in that familiar way that Wonpil knows so well and his breath gets stuck for a moment as it is directed at him for the very first time.

He thinks he might be seeing wrong and blinks his own eyes, and when he opens them again that glimmer is gone, now replaced with another familiar twinkle, one that he has seen directed at him often times.

“I know you’ve been trying to cheer me up,” he brushes a stray strand of hair from Wonpil’s eyes. “I’ve been so stuck in my own head that I haven’t been paying enough attention to you, I must have been a bad friend these past few days.”

Sungjin’s smile is rueful but warm and Wonpil loves him so much. He shakes his head vehemently, wants to reassure his friend but the words are stuck in his throat as Sungjin laughs warmly at him.

“What would I do without you, Kim Wonpil?”

As much as these words fill his heart, they also hurt, but Wonpil loves Sungjin, and at this moment he feels happy, so happy with the smile Sungjin is gracing him with right now.

“Look who’s the emotional one between us now,” Wonpil manages to sniff out, holding back tears that Sungjin probably still notices because he knows him too well. Wonpil just punches the other’s shoulder lightly, causing Sungjin to bark out a laugh.

Wonpil thinks it worked as they resume their walk home - he thinks he managed to distract Sungjin from his pain, thinks maybe Sungjin is finally able to move on (unlike Wonpil is). He thinks that until they walk past the playground near their street and the footsteps behind him suddenly stop.

He turns, question ready on his lips to why Sungjin stopped walking, but halts when he sees the expression on Sungjin’s face.

It’s an expression Wonpil has felt often enough on his own face, eyes wide and glistening but no tears spilling, lips slightly parted but no words able to come out – it’s an expression of utter hurt but also of resignation.

With dawning horror and a wrenching pain in his gut, Wonpil once again follows Sungjin’s line of sight as he so often does, and once again it lands on her.

This time her hair is a bit wavy, the waves reflecting the low street light in small bounces. She’s laughing, her long lashes casting shadows and delicate hand held in front of her mouth softly. She’s beautiful like this, and Wonpil hates her a bit for making Sungjin look like this – for receiving the glimmer in Sungjin’s eyes that he can only long for.

What takes his attention even more though is the person sitting next to her on the swings. Clad in uniform of the store Wonpil knows he works at, Younghyun is laughing just as brightly as her as they talk happily on the swings.

His sharp eyes are soft, unlike how they are in school, but so much like how they are when he trails kisses down Wonpil’s neck. Distantly Wonpil remembers Younghyun telling him that he doesn’t like pillow talk, and strangely Wonpil feels a small stab at that as Younghyun grins at another joke she makes.

There’s a shaky exhale coming from next to him and Wonpil looks up to see Sungjin smile at him sadly, so very sadly, before he starts walking again, bumping his shoulder against Wonpil’s good-naturedly as if it’s him who needs the emotional support right now.

And maybe he does, because as he watches Sungjin’s reliable back he learns once again.

He learns once again how much unrequited love hurts.

* * *

“So, you and her, huh?” Wonpil asks, spoon in his mouth and a small tub of ice-cream in his other hand as he sits on Younghyun’s kitchen counter and watches him cut some apples without a shirt on. He appreciates the view of the other’s naked upper body for a bit, eyes traveling down the red lines his nails left on his back before he glances back up to see Younghyun looking at him with both eyebrows lifted.

“Me and who?” Younghyun asks him, leaning closer so Wonpil can feed him a spoon of ice-cream. “You know, her.” He answer vaguely. “Really pretty hair, light voice, is friends with Park Jaehyung?” Wonpil tries to elaborate as before he stuffs another spoon into his mouth.

Younghyun furrows his brows a bit as if in thought before his expression clears in understanding. “Oh, her. What’s with her and me?”

Wonpil pouts a bit at having to explain further and feeds him another spoonful when Younghyun opens his mouth expectantly. “You know, don’t you two have feelings for each other?”

At that Younghyun stops cutting the apple to look up at Wonpil incredulously. “You don’t have to deny it, I saw you two!” He argues around the spoon before taking it out to speak more clearly. “You can be honest with me, I won’t be angry.”

Younghyun studies his face, as if searching for something, sharp eyes unreadable. Wonpil doesn’t know if he managed to find what he was looking for but Younghyun answers him regardless. “Oh yeah, she confessed to me, but it wasn’t anything serious. I turned her down.”

“Nothing serious? How can someone’s feelings not be serious!?” Wonpil asks in disbelieve, perspiration from the ice-cream tub slipping down his finger.

“We talked a bit, and it was less her having deep feelings for me and more me reminding her of her ex-girlfriend.” Younghyun says nonchalantly as he resumes cutting the apple into slices. In his seat on the kitchen counter Wonpil splutters a bit in surprise. “G-girlfriend?”

At that Younghyun once again turns to him with an amused expression. “We literally just had sex, and you’re surprised about that?”

Choosing to ignore the other’s remark, Wonpil simply stuffs another spoon of ice-cream into his mouth, pouting lightly as Younghyun laughs at him.

“Now if you’re finished stealing my food, do you want to try the new cologne I bought?”

Holding out the last spoonful of ice-cream towards Younghyun who eats it happily, Wonpil nods eagerly as he chucks the now empty tub into the trash.

He writes off the relief he’s feeling in his small heart to simply being happy that Sungjin doesn’t have to suffer more heartbreak.

* * *

Counting heartbeats, counting the rhythm of his heart has been a habit of his since he’s small. He doesn’t do it just to calm himself, he does it just because he can, because it makes him feel secure.

Sungjin finds that habit of his as peculiar as he finds it endearing. He only shakes his head with a knowing grin when he catches Wonpil spacing out, sometimes even counting loudly with him when Wonpil is nervous.

And Wonpil thinks that maybe that is one of the reasons he fell in love so strongly with one Park Sungjin.

He remembers back in middle school when he had watched his best friend read a text for their next class, his thick eyebrows furrowing whenever he didn’t understand something, and Wonpil had to hold back a snort at how funny it made him look. And once again he had unconsciously started counting his heartbeat.

_One, two three. Pause. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four._

He halted, eyes go wide when he noticed that something wasn’t like how it was supposed to be. The rhythm was too fast, there were too many beats. He tried to find out why his heart was acting the way it was, tried to calm it down.

Sungjin must have noticed his dilemma because he stopped reading to look worryingly at Wonpil, asking him if something was the matter. But Wonpil couldn’t answer him, could only see how Sungjin’s eyes were so very very pretty in the light, how raspy his voice was, and felt his heart skip another beat.

He kept counting his heartbeat, but no matter how long or how often he counted, it just wouldn’t calm down whenever in the presence of one Park Sungjin. It would always skip four times in the time that it would normally skip three times.

_One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four._

Wonpil was fifteen years old when he found out that he’s in love with his best friend.

A hand waves in front of his face, snapping him out of his musings. He turns to see Sungjin smile at him, that one smile that always has Wonpil’s heart do summersaults, and he feels a small sense of deja-vu.

_One, two three. Pause. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four._

He bites down on the self-deprecating smile, his heartbeat just like how he had expected it to be. Sungjin still catches the small curl of his lips though and keeps smiling at him. “You look happier these days,” the other notes and Wonpil can only blink at him.

“Do I? Isn’t it just you who has been happier these days?” This time it’s Sungjin’s turn to blink as he sits up, seemingly thinking about Wonpil’s words.

“Maybe you’re right, I have been a lot happier recently,” Sungjin tells him, voice raspy yet still so gentle. “And I think it’s because of you.”

The smile Sungjin directs at him is so bright and sudden, his pretty pretty eyes crinkling with a certain glimmer, a glimmer Wonpil is familiar and yet unfamiliar with; his heart feeling like it’s about to burst.

_One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, fo-_

“When was the last time we did something?” Sungjin suddenly asks him, sitting upright and effectively shaking Wonpil out of his stupor.

“What do you mean? We’re literally seeing a movie later together.” Wonpil asks back, a bit confused but unable to hold back his smile at Sungjin’s bright grin. It has truly been a while since he has seen Sungjin this alive.

“No, I meant as in when was the last time we really did something together?” His eyes turn soft at that, at the hidden meaning. “When was the last time we watched a sunset turn into a sunrise? We haven’t had a sleep-over in at least two months.”

They hadn’t because Wonpil wasn’t willing or strong enough to listen to Sungjin talk about her the whole times; because he had stayed over so much at Younghyun’s place instead. But he can’t tell Sungjin that.

But as he looks at the other now, at his warm grin, his pretty pretty eyes and somehow always arched up eyebrows, Wonpil thinks maybe they’re both ready now.

Just as he’s about to suggest that he could stay over tonight, Sungjin suddenly leans in, eyes squinted and brows furrowed. Wonpil splutters at the close proximity, small heart going wild as he can feel the other’s breath on his neck.

“Is that a love-bite, Wonpil?”

His heart stands still for a whole second before he slaps a hand over the spot Sungjin had been looking at. In his mind replays how Younghyun, bent over him and dark hair in his eyes, had bit him yesterday.

“Wh-What are you talking about? That’s just a bug bite!” He manages to stammer out, hoping his face isn’t too red. Sungjin leans back and doesn’t question his lie, though his brows are still furrowed like he’s still suspicious.

Wonpil tries to act like he’s distracted by his notes but can’t help throwing a small glare in Younghyun’s direction, uncaring if he sees it or not. Younghyun catches his eye though and has the audacity to wink at him as if he knew what they had just been talking about.

Unnoticed by both Sungjin catches the small interaction, his mouth forming a thin line.

* * *

The light that shines through the apartment window from the street casts a light pink glow over them and Wonpil watches as Younghyun’s hand where it lies right next to his hand, his chest pressed close against his back as his breath tickles along Wonpil’s neck.

He can’t help himself as he lifts Younghyun’s hand to press their palms together. Like he had expected there isn’t any remarkable difference between them, Younghyun’s fingers are just the slightest bit longer, their palms are the same breadth though.

He can’t help himself as he thinks back to when Sungjin and he had compared hands, pressing their palms together in a touch that had Wonpil’s chest tighten. The sun had shone warmly into the other’s room as it set, setting them in an orange glow. The scene had felt a bit like one Wonpil must have dreamt about at least once. Sungjin’s fingers had been the same length as his, but his palm was wider. It’s kind of ironic how it’s the exact opposite with Younghyun.

As if to prove a point Younghyun suddenly entwines their fingers, the breath tickling Wonpil’s ear now indicating that the other wasn’t asleep after all.

“Tell me,” Younghyun whisper, lips grazing his skin as he presses closer to look at their hands, “Have you ever seen a sunset turn into a sunrise?”

Yes, he has. A lot of times with Sungjin actually. Just them lying side by side on the older’s bed and talking about anything and everything, hands close but never touching.

But Wonpil doesn’t tell Younghyun that because he can feel that this atmosphere is different, feels this in the way Younghyun holds him tightly – has probably felt it since Younghyun had asked him to stay that one night.

“Have you kissed right through the night? Cause I think we should try that sometime.”

There’s a tightening in his chest and he frees his hand to turn around and ask Younghyun which song he’s quoting this time, but stops when he sees Younghyun’s sharp eyes. There’s a glimmer in them that Wonpil knows well, a bit too well and yet not enough.

“Would you let me hold you ‘til the morning?” There’s the look on Younghyun’s face, his eyes wide but no tears spilling, his lips parted but no more words leaving him – it’s an expression of utter hurt and resignation.

Wonpil feels something well up in his chest choking him. Unable to speak any words, all he can do is lay his hand on Younghyun’s chest, right above where his heart is and count.

_One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, fo-_

As if understanding him Younghyun lays his hand atop of his, gaze knowing, and Wonpil can only look up at him with wide eyes. “Younghyun, I-“

Before he can finish though the other has already pulled him tightly against his chest, winding his arms around him and holding him almost desperately. “I’m sorry, just-just for tonight, let me hold you ‘til the morning.”

In turn Wonpil can only swallow and nod his head before leaning it against Younghyun’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat in the rhythm that he knows too well.

There’s an unsaid agreement between them in the morning, that they should stop whatever they had. They didn’t speak about it, but Wonpil felt it in the way Younghyun kissed his eyelids before kissing his lips, something he hasn’t done in the whole time that they have slept together. He felt it as he sat in the bus, feeling like he should cry but not knowing about what. He only belatedly realizes that he’s once again still wearing Younghyun’s shirt.

* * *

Classes pass without him really taking anything in, his mind in a haze. He doesn’t even notice how dazed he is until there’s a hand waving in front of his face. He looks up to see Sungjin look at him, worry written over his handsome face, and Wonpil is once again hit by a sense of deja-vu.

As if reading his thoughts Sungjin smiles at him, that lazy smile that always manages to take a part of Wonpil’s heart with it. That smile where just one corner of his lips tilts upwards and he lifts his eyebrows. It chokes him up, makes something in his small heart crack and beat in a beat that he can’t count in his turmoil of feelings.

It isn’t until Sungjin’s face falls that he notices something must be wrong. To answer him Sungjin suddenly leans forward and stroked something away from Wonpil’s cheeks softly. Only when he sees the other’s thumb come up wet does he finally notice that he’s crying.

“Wonpil-ah, what’s wrong?” Sungjin, his best friend, his first love, asks him with his raspy yet soft voice and pretty pretty eyes, and it’s all too much.

The phantom feeling of Younghyun kissing his eyelids gently when he himself had been hurting so much flashes through Wonpil’s mind and a sob wrecks through his body. He had broken the heart of someone who is so good because he himself loves another man who is just as good. Sungjin cups his cheeks gently, his pretty eyes that Wonpil loves so much full with worry. It hurts, it hurts so much because Wonpil loves Sungjin so much, so much that he finds himself unable to count.

Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Dowoon and Jaehyung and _her_ watching them curiously, the embarrassment of being seen crying by his classmates slowly catching up to him. Just then as if to mock him the door suddenly slides open and Younghyun walks in.

He stops in his track though when his gaze catches on Wonpil, and Wonpil can’t help the small sob that escapes him. Sungjin also looks up to follow his line of sight for once and sees Younghyun before he glances back at Wonpil. Something seems to click in his mind as his expression suddenly fills with rage and – sadness?

Wonpil doesn’t have the time to ponder though as Sungjin’s already standing up just as Younghyun turns on his heel to walk out of the classroom, Sungjin immediately rushing after him.

Wonpil is left blinking in his seat, and it’s only when he sees Jaehyung and Dowoon looking at him with wide eyes that he comes back to his senses and runs after them.

The door to the rooftop slams open as Sungjin rushes after Younghyun, finally managing to catch him there. He fists a hand in the slightly taller’s shirt, pulling him closer by the collar.

“What’s your problem!?” He grits through his teeth as Younghyun looks at him with his sharp eyes that have bothered Sungjin since the first day he caught her looking at him.

“My problem?” Younghyun grits through equally clenched teeth as the anger on his face mirrors the one on Sungjin’s.

“Why do you have to hurt everyone around me!?” Sungjin yells, the anger slowly morphing into something else, his fists shaking. “Wasn’t she enough already? Do you have to take him from me too?”

There’s something wet slowly trickling down his face as Younghyun keeps watching him almost impassively, not yelling back at him or hitting him like he had almost wanted him to.

“WHY? WHEN YOU HAVE EVERYTHING ALREADY?” He screams, voice hoarse and tears slipping down his chin.

There’s a moment of stunned silence from them both, Sungjin’s eyes wide and red with tears, Younghyun just as shocked at the sudden outburst. And yet, hadn’t they all seen this coming?

There’s only the sound of the wind caressing through their hair between them before the silence is suddenly broken by a bark of laughter.

Sungjin watches with wide eyes as Younghyun laughs, the sound hollow to his ears. Then Younghyun turns a crooked grin to him, a suspicious wetness to his eyes that has Sungjin’s grip on the other’s shirt slacken a bit.

“Me? Have everything?” He throws his head back as he lets out another laugh. “How ignorant are you!?”

He grips Sungjin’s wrist a bit too harshly to rip it off him, the wind around them rising and messing through their hair.

“How can I have everything,” Younghyun chuckles lightly, eyes red as he looks at something behind the other, “When it’s you who holds the whole world in his palm.”

Wonpil’s breath catches as he locks eyes with Younghyun. Sungjin turns at that to follow his line of sight and his eyes widen when he spots him standing in the door frame.

“Be clearer about your feelings, will you?” Younghyun sneers at an obviously taken back Sungjin, bumping his shoulder against his as he strides past. Wonpil watches him do so, unable to form words as Younghyun walks towards him.

He halts for a small moment in the door frame next to him, glancing at Wonpil for a split second before wrenching his gaze away. But that fraction of a second was enough for Wonpil to see that familiar glimmer in his eyes before Younghyun walks past, leaving the two of them alone on the rooftop.

They’re left staring at each other, and Wonpil tries his best to count and calm his rapidly beating heart.

_One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, fo-_

There’s something shining in Sungjin’s eyes, his feelings reflecting in them, but Wonpil is too far away to see clearly, too emotional to understand. The wind keeps rising as Sungjin clenches and unclenches his fists, Younghyun’s parting words ringing in his head and not helping the turmoil in his heart.

He looks at Wonpil’s glimmering and wide eyes, feels some of that glimmer reflect in his own eyes but still unable to give answers to it.

“I-I’m sorry Wonpil, I-“

Before he can say anything more though he stops himself and also rushes past Wonpil, leaving him alone on the rooftop.

Wonpil simply closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, feels the wind caress through his hair and counts.

_One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three._

* * *

It’s dark outside, only the streetlamps and the headlights of the few passing cars illuminating the street as Wonpil slowly walks along the bridge. After that fiasco at school he had run straight back home. He had locked himself in his room and cried his heart out, ignoring his parent’s worried questions as they had knocked on his door.

It was only when it was already late at night, when his parents are already asleep, that he got this sudden feeling of unrest and the urge to get out. So he had grabbed his coat and simply run out of the house.

He didn’t know exactly where he was going, but he found himself walking along the places he had found himself frequenting with Sungjin, stopping by that bridge where he had once gifted Sungjin that badly sewn bunny keychain. He also stopped by the convenience store he knows Younghyun used to work at, wondering for the smallest second if he would maybe run into him there, but quickly scratching that thought when he remember how Younghyun had quit a long while ago.

In the end he ends up walking by the playground near his street, pausing in his steps to look at the swing set as he is hit by a sense of deja-vu. He gives a small bitter smile at the irony as he stands in the exact same spot in which he had stood before. He glances over his shoulder, almost expecting to see Sungjin standing there, but of course there is no one there.

He doesn’t know what makes him do it, even though he has a pretty clear guess at why he does it as he walks towards the swings. He sits down in the place he knows she had sat back then, joking around with Younghyun who had looked so carefree.

He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes and imagines, imagines what it must feel like to be loved by someone like Park Sungjin. He opens his eyes again to look up at the starry sky, the stars twinkling and reminding him of the pretty pretty eyes he loves so much.

There’s a tightening in his chest, a pain he has become familiar with. He remembers the glimmer in Sungjin’s eyes whenever he had looked at her, the utter love accompanied by pain as he had watched her on these exact swings – and he can only imagine.

He can only imagine and wish for Sungjin to look at him like that.

Biting back tears Wonpil starts to once again count.

_One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three._

He lets out a shaky exhale, his small heart still hurting and longing as he looks to his side, to where Sungjin had stood back then, watching her, and imagines him watching him.

And for a moment he thinks he can almost see him there, with that glimmer in his eyes that’s so familiar yet so unfamiliar to him, finally looking back at Wonpil. He closes his eyes and opens them again, ready to be greeted by the empty street – only that Sungjin is still there, the glimmer still in his eyes reflecting the street light.

And it only really hits him then that Sungjin is actually there, looking back at him finally, when the other starts walking towards him.

Wonpil is unable to form any words as Sungjin plops down in the swings next to him. His dark hair is a bit wind swept and his eyes a bit red, but Wonpil’s probably aren’t any better.

“Wonpil, I-“ Sungjin stops for a moment, closes his eyes and gathers himself before he turns fully towards him. “I’m sorry for the fuss I made at school today and for just leaving you there when you clearly needed me.”

Wonpil watches him silently eyes wide and still a bit disbelieving as Sungjin gently takes his hand in his his. His fingers are still the same length as Wonpil’s, but his palm is wider and warmer as he softly caresses Wonpil’s knuckles with his thumb. “I’m sorry for being a bad friend these past few months.”

Still unable to form any words but wanting to reassure his friend, Wonpil can only shake his head, surprised that he still has tears left as he feels his eyes begin to moisten.

In turn Sungjin chuckles lightly at him, his voice as raspy and warm as always, fondness reflecting in his small smile. “Younghyun’s words have opened my eyes, I should really thank him.” He laughs lightly at that. “I should probably apologize to him first though.”

At that Wonpil also lets out a small snort, his heart clenching at the mention of the other boy.

“I think I know clearly about my feelings now, Wonpil-ah, I should have been clearer about them for a long time.”

He tilts his head questioningly at the older at that, not fully understanding what Sungjin is getting at. And in a move that says so much, means so much in the language and memories between them, Sungjin guides Wonpil’s hand that he has held slowly to his chest, placing it delicately over where his heart is as he lays his own warmer one on his.

_One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, fo-_

Wonpil snaps his head up with wide eyes, counting and counting the beat of Sungjin’s heart again and again, always counting the same fast rhythm that his own heart has come to know so well whenever he is in the presence of one Park Sungjin.

The tears finally fall from his eyes as Sungjin smiles warmly at him, that glimmer that he has longed so much for finally directed at him. The other still looks nervous though, as if afraid Wonpil will reject him. But how could Wonpil ever not love him back?

So to ease both their hearts, Wonpil does what he has only ever dreamed about. He cups Sungjin’s face gently and leans in and they both close their eyes.

* * *

Wonpil can’t help shooting glances at Sungjin, still not fully believing that this is real. The other catches him looking though and gives him that one smile, now fully aware what effect it has on Wonpil. Flustered and feeling his heart skip, Wonpil just sticks out his tongue at the other who laughs lightly at his childishness as they walk down the corridor.

He doesn’t really pay attention to their surroundings as he’s too immersed in the bad jokes Sungjin keeps telling him just to make him ugly-laugh. It isn’t until there’s a familiar scent of cologne that Wonpil looks up, just as someone’s walking by him.

He looks up right into familiar sharp eyes and there’s a short moment when times seems to slow down. He and Younghyun lock gazes as he walks past them. He gives Wonpil the smallest fraction of a sad smile, a certain glimmer in his eyes, and Wonpil feels something in his chest stutter and rearrange itself.

_One, two three. Pause. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four-_

**Author's Note:**

> okay to everyone who is confused: three heartbeats = normal, four heartbeats = cupid strikes  
> I know this makes medically probs no sense, like when your heart stops pls go to the doctor
> 
> To everyone who has been wondering about my writers block: I had my prime time in writing when I had art block, and now it's the exact opposite orz  
> I draw a lot, you can check my day6 fanart out on [twitter](https://twitter.com/KDayunArt) !!  
> Also I'll be attending Dokomi with a booth in the artist alley!! If anyone want to buy some day6 prints or just say hi, please come over!!  
> Oh I also opened an etsy shop, you can find the link in my twitter bio!!
> 
> I am working hard to get out of my writers block and hope I can show you guys all the stories I have in drafts right now soon!! I will try to finally update the next (and last) chapter of my android youngfeel fic next!!!  
> Please have patience though, writing is a really hard hobby that often doesn't come easily and a lot of people underestimate how much time and work writers put into their fics :((


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